Fug'dup

I really don't like how I've put so much effort into other blogsites only to lose interest so quickly in the plans and schemes I lay out. I prefer when I could just write what was on my mind but nowdays you have to be so fucking meticulous and careful about what you say lest you rip apart the reality of some fragile dweeb that had no business on your site in the first place. I think, upon reflecting on my old blogs and posts, that I've never done blogging for other people. It was always a cathartic practice. A special place I could just dump my life into and if someone resonated maybe they'd drop a comment. Nowdays blogging is all about money.. it's about lead generation.. it's all about forcing yourself to collaborate with other business.. and slowly it all just becomes a saturated mesh of shit. Nobody reads blogs anyway because they're like any website.. only the biggest ones get all the traffic. So in a sense I suppose I could write any smut or shit I want here and nobody will ever really take notice. Maybe after I'm dead ^^ they'll write a book about it.

I can't in good conscience write a blog with money at the center of it.

Money is a real fucking crux aint it. You can never have too much, and you never seem to have enough ever. Everybody around you loves you when you have it regardless of how you acquired it. Everybody wants to be your friend when you have it and it opens practically almost every single door in the world except the most important ones. Money can never buy self-actualisation and it will never bring you peace because when you have too little you worry about the next meal when you have just enough you have to worry about keeping it that way and when you have too much you have to worry about a whole lot of things.

What really irks me is the idea that in order to render service.. I need to make money..  I really enjoy work. I love to do things conscientiously, and I have a real hard-on for R&D in any sector. I really don't appreciate fruitless work, the kind of shit that's only done for the sake of profit. Like I can't do what I love even though I'm great at it unless I'm getting paid. Like literally, society is structured this way.

No money = (Starvation + No shelter+Limited Accessibility) = Death/Endless Suffering

So if I'm doing what I love but I'm not getting paid (internship or public service for example) I'll die suffering horribly.

The only way you wont die is if outside factors carry you forward. So.. if someone or a group decides to help you to stay alive so you can keep doing the work you love. Except you still wont have money so you wont be dead but you'll be suffering because you'll only have what is given and that is going to be the bare minimum. Also, why would anyone want to keep you alive if not for selfish reasons? You do free labor, so all that's needed is someone to provide you enough that you don't die. Essentially slave labor or if you prefer the more cleverly worded "voluntary indentured servitude".

Alternatively, the pursuit and worship of money as the ultimate goal OVER passion and vocation.

This leads me to the realization that the best and easiest ways to accumulate wealth are.. evil? Start a religion, import/export of goods and services (by this I mean guns, drugs, sex, human trafficking, money lending and extortion by extension) - I mean this shit is what world governments do and so they are the gold standard by which criminal organizations operate. So.. working for the government is the best bet for making money! Thinking about it, I could be an international operative whose job is to undermine foreign economies so that your own thrives! There are books written about this for fucks sake and it's a very real thing and just the silhouette of the tip of the iceberg.

Hahaha or just start a blog and sell your space to advertisers. Slowly turn your page and yourself into an extention of them.